Sometimes I ramble....

You know... sometimes I forget things.  I'm sure we all do.  But the things I forget aren't things like doctors appointments, meetings, play dates or anything like that.  It's things like remembering that my kids are just kids... like sometimes kids get scared because of a bad dream they had a week ago still... like sometimes the Lord works in mysterious ways... and like sometimes when it rains... it really rains.  I'm talking like downpour... can't see the tree 3 feet away rains.

There's a couple things I want to touch on and I'll try to be brief, but bear with me.

First: My little Gidget

She is so sweet, smart, helpful and quick that sometimes I forget she's only 5.  Like when I told her tonight to go get her jammies on because it was time for bed and she stood in the hallway because she was scared.  (Lately there have been a few spiders in her room due to base boards that don't meet up in the corner.)  She's standing there telling me, "I'm just really scared" and my response to this was, "I don't care.  Go get your jammies on!  There's nothing to be scared of, you play in there all the time!"  (Mother of the year award, right?  Yeah, I know.....)

When she came out with her jammies in tow and went to the bathroom I was short with her too.  Why????  Because I was letting myself get frustrated that we were half an hour late for bed time and they were already grumpy and had been crazy all day due to the late night shenanigans of the 4th of July and I forgot she was a child.  I forgot. 

We read scriptures and of course it's a chapter that is quoting Isaiah so I have no idea what it's about since we only read like 5 verses a night and it's hard to remember what was going on two nights ago after such a crazy day.  Needless to say, I didn't get much out of them.  Then we did prayer as a family and I had the kids say their own prayers, and I put the boys in bed.

WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT?????? I'm so frustrated with myself that I let it get to me so quickly and so stupidly.

As she laid down in bed, I tucked her in and went out, said "Good night" and turned on the music.  A moment later, I heard whimpering.  I went in and said, and I quote, "Why are you crying?" (not the nicest way ever either.... not upset but a little annoyed.)  She then told me with tears in her eyes, "I just am scared.  I need my glow bear Mom."  Glow Bear is a bear that literally glows.  It's neon green and has like 3 lights in it and has been malfunctioning slightly for the last couple weeks... sad day for reals.  Anyway, I got him and gave him to her then snuggled her back into her blankets.  All of a sudden I remembered (like, ouch remembered) that she was just a child.  A BLESSING that God had given me to take care of and to teach and to love on.  She is NOT a burden.  She's not something that I can rush through... in fact, (award #2) she told me at one point that she was grumpy because she didn't get much attention and snuggle time to which I replied.... "Don't even use that as an excuse.  You're choosing to be grumpy tonight."  This I said to my 5 year old..... geez. 

I looked at her little 5-year-old eyes with tears in them as she looked at me and told me she was scared and I told her how she can pray for safety.  She did and I stayed with her for a few minutes.  We talked about how when we pray Jesus can come down and sit with her until she goes to sleep so that she will be safe.  (Granted, it might not be just like that, but I didn't want to scare her with the idea of angels in her room.... she is only 5 after all.)  We talked about how Mommy doesn't like having to give her consequences (and yes, she knows what that means) and how consequences aren't fun for anybody, even Mommy.  She told me about how she wanted to dream about good dreams tonight because she had nightmares sometimes.  I asked her what she wanted to dream about and she told me "PRINCESSES!"  Then we made up a dream that she could have to give her something to dream about as she fell asleep.  (She turned into a beautiful mermaid and got to swim in the ocean with Ariel.... she loved it!)  As I walked out, she looked at me and said, "Mom, I love you".... talk about a reality check.

Second: Unexpected Circumstances

My brother this morning, who is working as an apprentice to an electrician, was trying to join two conduits for some electrical lines on the job.  While he was turning the screw with his flat head screwdriver, he must have been turning it with a lot of pressure because it slipped off.  Because he was above the screwdriver and was turning it from the bottom side, it flew right into his eye.  The flat-head part (not the handle) went up under his eyelid, scratched part of the cornea and some of the skin on the eyeball itself and severed (not sure how badly yet) the muscle that makes your eye move upward.  The doctors said that in order for that muscle to have been damaged, the screwdriver had to have gone at least 1.25 to 1.5 inches into his eye socket.  Tomorrow we'll know more, but as of right now, there was too much swelling and blood in the eye to know the full extent of the damage.

He could have lost an eye.

He could have paralyzed part of his body

He could be dead.

This is my big brother who is 14 years older than me.  He is the one who would take me out for ice cream as a girl-magnet.  This is the man who at 14 years old, when I was born, walked into the recovery room where my mom and I were, walked right past everyone, picked me up and held me the whole time.  The guy who bought me a laundry basket full of goofy college supplies for Christmas that I'd need when I went to college the next fall (and a teddy bear to hug if I ever missed him.... which I used often by the way!).  The big brother I'd miss dearly if that had happened this morning.  I can't hardly think about it honestly without tearing up.  My brother could have been gone tonight... and it makes you think, you know?

How often do we take things for granted?  Gidget is only 5.  She helps with so much and does so much and loves to learn and is so stinkin' smart, but she's only 5.  She is a baby still and I let myself get so frustrated with her over getting her jammies on!  What the heck!?!

My brother could have been gone in a split second if that screwdriver had gone much farther a little quicker.  They've been having some hard times lately and this throws another kink into their lives, but for real, at least he has a life still!  He's still able to work and help support his family. 

Sometimes God gives us learning moments and we don't always notice them, but today I noticed.  I noticed when she looked at me trying to tell if she could really trust me or if I truly "didn't care".  I noticed when my brother's life was passed over for a split second and he was blessed to see another day.  I noticed and I'm so grateful I did because I see the importance of words.  I see the importance of a bigger picture.  I see it and I notice it and I am so grateful for it.  God has a hand in so many things that we never think about.  We are the ones responsible in this life for learning to notice them.  Today I learned something and I can't even really explain to you what it was, but I did learn it.  Sometimes it's the still, small voice in the moment of frustration or fear that is the only thing that will calm you and today... I noticed.

God is so good.